Buenos nachos! Kage Alan here and if there’s one thing I’m known for, it’s… Okay, there may be two things I’m known for because, well, I kill spiders. All spiders. Seriously, if there’s a spider inside the house, it will DIE. Ask any local arachnid. They’ll tell you about my reputation where their kind is concerned. I’m arachnophobic and proud of it.
The other thing I’m known for is challenging the assumption that some things can’t be humorous or interesting. I had a college professor who once threatened to flunk us on the spot if we ever turned in a story with “a single tear fell down his (or her) cheek” written anywhere in it. Naturally, I went home and wrote an entire story about how a college professor was driven insane because every person he saw had a single tear falling down their cheek. He made me read it in front of the class, and he didn’t flunk me.
Some rules just bore me. So, if I feel challenged—and, believe me, my co-authors will tell you just how challenged I am—I have no issue with rising to meet that challenge head-on.
This is our fifth anthology together, or Butt-thology. It wasn’t until the previous anthology that I wrote my first-ever intimate scene, a challenge for me in itself, and I wanted to do something a bit different here. I mentioned to a couple of author friends that I was considering doing an empreg story. They were less than thrilled with the subgenre and didn’t feel a story dealing with pregnant men would appeal to them. Challenge accepted!
I could do it. Besides, Shae Connor did it in her first story in the Butt Pirates In Space anthology, so I could do it too, only better! Just don’t tell Shae that, okay? She’ll totally kick my ass and she’ll hold me down until I yell that hers is better.
So, we have two villains, one white guy and one Asian guy, who don’t get along, have a list of phobias they suffer from, and who both win awards for their villainous acts. They wind up in the hotel’s executive lounge together that same evening, trade barbs, have a few drinks, and then one thing leads to another. They meet up again three months later while on vacation, and discover, well, they should have used a condom. Both of them.
Keep in mind too that this is just one of four stories in the latest Butt-thology. I am in the extremely wonderfultastic company of Kiernan Kelly, T.C. Blue, and Ally Blue. Each of us offers our own unique take on villainy and how it fits into this unique little series of books.
So please be sure to check out Butt Villains On Vacation, and we’ll see you around the interweb…thingy…place…where no spiders lurk.
And now, a snippet from Master Malevolence in The Tail of the Fluffy Monkey
“God, I miss flip-flopping.” Chi Kit’s chest started heaving again.
Must be the dirty thoughts.
“Then I think we should be fair about this and just do each other,” Dylan suggested.
“I agree.” Chi Kit took a step backward again. “I have to ask you something first.”
“Ever the mood killer, aren’t you?” He reached forward and put his hands on Chi Kit’s shoulders. “Yes, I have lube. It’s next to the bed, and I only left it out because I wasn’t expecting company.”
“That’s not the question.”
“Really?” Dylan wasn’t sure what else he’d left out. No condoms, no STDs, and cleaned out. His hands started to shake. He had to make love to the man in front of him. He HAD to. He couldn’t think of anything else. “I hope it’s a quick question because we’re naked and I already feel like I’m going to explode.”
“I can get a little possessive and crazy when I have sex with someone,” Chi Kit warned. “I tend to get attached. And crazy. Mostly crazy from what I’ve been told in the past.”
“You just said crazy three times.” Some small voice in the back of Dylan’s head was screaming that this should be a warning sign. He shut that shit up real quick. “Should I be worried? And what’s your question?”
“You want to have sex with the Vietnamese guy from the lounge?” Chi Kit demanded, thrusting his hips against Dylan’s hand. “I need to know.”
Oh, that again.
“If I wanted to have sex with the Vietnamese guy”—Dylan smiled his most reassuring smile and moved his hand in rhythm with the other man’s thrusts—“I’d be having sex with him right now instead of you.” It was exactly what he should say to put the other man’s mind at ease.
“So you admit you’ve thought about it?”
“He doesn’t hold a candle to you, Chi Kit, and that’s the truth.”
“You’ve seen his candle?”
About the Book
Title: Butt Villains on Vacation
Author: Kage Alan, Ally Blue, T.C. Blue, Kiernan Kelly
Publisher: Wilde City Press
Release Date: May 9, 2016
Blurb: Heroes are boring. Seriously, how much effort does it take to be good? Fortunately, we don’t know! The Butt-Thology authors are back again with their latest action-packed, suspenseful, horrifying thriller…Butt Villains On Vacation. Okay, it might be a comedy.
Find out who Designation Enforcement are pursuing at The Flaming Skull B&B, if retired villain Drunkboy can find love without accidentally killing someone, what happens when Assassin Bandit’s travel agent books him into a resort with the good guys, and why villains and arch nemeses Master Malevolence and The Fluffy Bunny have morning sickness symptoms after hooking up with each other!
About the Author
Kage Alan lives in a suburb of Detroit, MI with his husband and their fish & shrimp, who are all affectionately named and answer to “fish” or “shrimp”…except his husband. He lives in fear of his husband’s Hong Kong Grandmonster, and is the author of GLBT comedies A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, the non-comedic Falling Awake, and Butt-thology short stories Spacehunters: Master Elite and the Maternal Order of Loganites Beyond Uranus, Twink Ninja Tiger, Flaxen Buns Of Fury, It’s A Wonderful Lube, and Chinchilla Chimichangas.